April 1, 2005 - Faced with many difficult decisions in the near future, the entire Selectboard of the Town of Brattleboro resigned after a work session to set goals for the new year.
"We thought about it and realized if the four members of the Town Meeting Finance Committee could do it, so could we" said the Chairperson before walking out of the room to "catch some good Tuesday night TV I've missed out on."
The Town's Attorney said that the Town Charter did not prohibit resigning or watching of TV on Tuesdays, nor any other day, unless voters amend the charter at a properly warned town meeting.
Another member added "It isn't easy up there making decisions for the Town. If the citizens want more involvement, let them have it. All of it."
The Town Charter calls for remaining Selectboard members to hold a special election if two or more resign. When all resign, the appointment power is given to the Town Manager in a little-known Vermont statute from 1843: "In the event of a flood, or sheep herding accident, or other elimination or resignation of all Selectboard members, the Town Manager shall apoint (sic) whom he sees fit to serve."
When reached for comment, the Town Manager said the new Selectboard was already filled. When asked to elaborate he stated that he had "decided that the only fair thing to do was to randomly select replacements by picking the next five people to walk through the door."
The new Selectboard members, he said, are Cynthia Green, Annette Cappy, Tim Johnson, Dan Barlow, and a lost tourist from Connecticut looking for the historical society.
Citizens petitioning for a special election vowed to press on. "We are looking into this so-called statute. Did the framers really intend for natural disasters and herding mishaps to equal TV on Tuesdays?" said a spokesperson. "We think not."