I will miss you.
You had a way of lighting up the room.
Your green eyes, hidden perpetually behind large screening glasses, were often full of mischief, often full of love…
Your every move was painful. Your body, failing, your breathing, labored.
You were afraid.
Yet the moments I spent with you were not about sadness and heartbreak – although certainly these were present, behind the curtain of the day-to-day – the time was spent on the now…the real…the love and caring you have always shown for your family.
Our religious differences could have proved a barrier to some, yet you accepted me from the very first. You brought me into your world. You gave me the gift of your company…your very private world.
We argued, at first, because I was a blind child awaiting a mysteriously elusive maturity with which to gain understanding of the love which guided your every action…even as it appeared to be an attack on your daughter…the woman I love. I fought to “protect” her…not recognizing that I was interfering in things beyond my comprehension…outside the bounds of my place…between mother and daughter.
When you and I made peace, I thought it was due to some final understanding and grown up realization of mine…I now see that it was because you understood, maybe always understood, that I acted out of love and concern for your little girl.
We forged a bond then that grew steadily over the years, until, at the end I consider myself to be your son – not just “in-law”, but in fact, at heart, and in soul, as well.
I love you Mom. I am happy that I was able to say that to you before you left us last week. I wish that I could have held your hand as you moved on into the next plane.
If you have looked into my heart from your new place in the universe, I know that you can see that I will always be holding your hand…always hear your voice…always hear the phrases you would use.
I do not know how to spell the words, they sound like “fliq-oo-che-drinc-ey-wa” meaning to spank, as in giving a spanking to a son who does not listen to his Mom and does the dishes despite her protests!
“Nood-nyuck” meaning idiot, boob, fool, etc – a word Mom might use to describe a card playing friend of my Dad’s who would drop crumbs all over her carpet!
“Bravo-beis” – the cry my mother would make…her face alight…whenever one of my children did something she found wonderful…basically everything, every day.
I will miss the look you would give me, mom. You know the one…your eyelids lowered, gazing at me over your glasses, when I would tease you. I will miss the times when I would ask you for tips on how to make Matza-Brei…that wonderful concoction over which you have always been the master.
There are so many things I will miss about you Mom.
I think the thing I will miss most of all is the love which shined through everything you did for your family. The family of which you made me a part.
Good-bye Mom. I will look for you upon the other side.