[cue theme music]
Bad Cops
Bad Cops
Whatcha gonna do...
Voice-over: Today's episode of The Punctuation Police is all about proper punctuation.
[The scene opens with a close-up of a uniformed male officer driving one of the Punctuation Police Department's cruisers. He is wearing mirrored sunglasses.]
Officer: Yeah, we got a call from some concerned citizens about their neighbor's improper usage of punctuation. We're going to go check it out.
[The officer parks the car along the curb and approaches a young man sitting on the stoop in front of a house. He appears to be writing in a notebook.]
Officer: Sir, please place your hands where I can see 'em.
Young man: Uh... Whats this all about, officer?
Officer: We've had a complaint that you are using apostrophes in the wrong places.
Young man: Wha...?
Officer: Sir, in order to maintain order and civility, I must confiscate your pencil and paper.
[The young man hands the officer his pencil and notebook.]
Young man: But what did I do wrong?
Officer: Sir, it's about apostrophes. If you are going to be trusted with a pen, pencil, typewriter or keyboard, you must follow the rules for punctuation.
[The officer writes a few sentences on the pad.]
Officer: O.k., look here.
Apostrophes are used to show possession. As in "The dogs stole the cat's toy." The toy belongs to the cat.
Apostrophes are used to show omission. As in "What's your problem?" The apostrophe is taking the place of the "i" in the word "is."
Apostrophes are NOT used to make a singular word plural, and this is where you've broken the laws of proper punctuation.
This, Sir, is why I am here.
It's not "The dog's stole the toy." It's not "The machine's are taking over."
Have I made myself clear, Sir?
Young man: Yes, officer. I'm sorry I've committed such grave errors against the English language. It will never happen again.
Officer: Very good. Have a good day, Sir. All in a day's work for The Punctuation Police.