The executive committee of the IAM (International Alliance of Millers- Motto: “IAM That IAM”) urges the Milton Society to abandon their consideration of Henry Miller as a potential inductee into their ranks.
As an act of appropriation, we will resist in the most strenuous terms this spurious annexation of one of our own. The IAM is committed to the most pure and impeccable membership, and just as England responded vigorously at the attempt to take the Faulkands, we too will secure our interests, preemptively if necessary.
As a point of note, the IAM has in the past rejected the appeal of membership from such near kin as Kevin Millar, Martin Milner, AA Milne, and Milly Vanilly. Close, but no cigar- that is our policy, and that is our determination.
We appreciate the recognition of one of our members, but hereby adjure the Milton Society to relinquish your claim to Henry Miller.
BTW- It was another esteemed member, and fellow wordsmith, Arthur Miller, not Henry, who married Marilyn Monroe.
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The Milton Society Responds:
As the letter killeth the spirit, your narrow meltdown carries little weight with us, despite the smattering of ersatz legalese. If the IAM insists on pursuing this nominal hissy fit, we have little choice but to respond in our own idiosyncratic way. And rise to the battle we will, for our measure of a candidate’s worth is their character, not merely the way the characters of their name are strung on a page.
Grind grain, not reason. It’s Miller time the world over, share the wealth.
And FYI, since you bring it up, we’d like to include Milne in our next review; we love Pooh!