Authored by: BrattMan on Friday, July 24 2009 @ 03:54 PM GMT+4

Who has been voted as the most trusted TV news journalist in America?

Brian Williams? No
Katie Couric? No
Anyone on Fox News or MSNBC? No.

Answer: Jon Stewart!

Maybe not a joke but it is funny to me.

Authored by: Genie on Saturday, July 25 2009 @ 12:36 AM GMT+4

All my jokes are not politically correct this evening, so I'll wait for a rainy day to tell an acceptable one.

Hint: Categories of People

Genie

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Wonders Never Cease.

Authored by: cgrotke on Saturday, July 25 2009 @ 02:55 AM GMT+4

Now I do...

Authored by: paulgardner on Saturday, July 25 2009 @ 02:21 PM GMT+4

The optimist sees a glass that's half full.
The pessimist sees a glass that's half empty.
The engineer sees a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.


SO,
the engineer arrives in hell and after being greeted by the devil walks in, looks around and sees a lot improvements he needs to make.
So before you know it, he's installed plumbing, air conditioning, etc., etc. And things are looking pretty good in hell.
One day, God calls.
"So Satan, how's things down there in Hell - hotter than you know what, eh? Heh, heh... "
"Actually God", says Satan, "We've got an engineer and he's installed air conditioning and things have never been better!"
God gets very angry, "Where'ld you get an engineer?! Send him back at once!"
"No way", says Satan. "I like him and I'm going to keep him!"
"Send him back right now or I'll sue you!", blusters God.
The devil bursts out laughing - "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?!!!"


And to finish, not a joke, but it continues the engineer theme and I've always like it - just say it fast out loud. This is the chant of the engineering fraternity, Tau Beta Pi (if you can get your mind around the idea of engineers in frats having toga parties - where do they put the pocket protectors??).

Amp meter, indicator,
Y level, Y,
Slide rule, dynamo,
Tau Beta PI!

Authored by: spoon on Saturday, July 25 2009 @ 04:53 PM GMT+4

As a feller arrives at the far side of a field he just cut across a farmer is there waiting. "you know," he says, "this is my land."
"Oh really" the feller says. "And exactly how did you get it?"
I got it from my pappy.
And where did he get it?
He got it from his pappy
Uh huh, and where did he get it?
He got it from HIS pappy
And where did HE get?
He FOUGHT for it.
OK then, I'll fight you for it.



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spoon agave

Authored by: RLElkins on Saturday, July 25 2009 @ 09:28 PM GMT+4

Of the 1,500,000 people who attended the Obama inauguration, only three of them took a day off from work.

Authored by: xteeth on Sunday, July 26 2009 @ 02:57 PM GMT+4

A Republicanic Conservative said "Yes!"

Here is one of the great jokes of the age for those of you old enough to have been cognisant in 1956 when Special K (Khruschev) was beating his shoe on the lecturn at the UN and promising to bury us. His son is now a professor at Brown University.

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"Some people cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go." Oscar Wilde