Authored by: pjmelton on Friday, August 27 2010 @ 04:32 AM GMT+5
Very intriguing. I find myself wishing the title somehow illuminated for what ailment the speaker is drinking the tea. The last line is rather baffling. All I can make of it is that the "man left hanging" is left that way because of the speaker's Female Problems. Do these happen to her every August?
I like imhennessy's contribution too, although unfortunately for us all, there is no mystery to solve. Except who the Democratic nominee is, of course.
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"The whole shadow of Man is only as big as his hat. " -- Elizabeth Bishop
Authored by: babalu on Friday, August 27 2010 @ 08:04 AM GMT+5
"Where once there was snow" does seem to create a nice flow, but "where there once was snow" actually sounds more wistful. Either way, I like it very much, Rolf.
Authored by: babalu on Friday, August 27 2010 @ 08:29 AM GMT+5
But you did create an great image with 5 syllables. The extra 2 you've just added have dressed it up though, and now I feel certain that you actually enjoy winter!
Authored by: Rolf on Friday, August 27 2010 @ 08:42 AM GMT+5
Well I am glad you enjoyed them. Thanks for writing.
While I think that the best poetry has an element of mystery, or wonder,
I think that the addition of these lines suggest a playful spirit, and a clear preference for one season over another, as well as a commitment to some measure of shared and understood meaning.
Anyone can be vague, and thereby try to enter the house of poetry through sheer vagueness.
On the other hand, almost anyone can write clear prose, and fail to enter the house of poetry entitely.
Probably because I am frequently thinking of death, not in a morbid way, but, it is on my mind a lot, I see and felt that was present in this little haiku of mine. However, my guess is that if 50 people read that haiku, few if any of them would catch that meaning. To me, this represents failure of the poem, when an idea, or feeling is probaly can not be received by most readers, ( presuming that there are any.)
Authored by: babalu on Friday, August 27 2010 @ 09:07 AM GMT+5
Frequent thinker of death - let's talk!
I felt the verse I just read portrayed an anticipation of the changing seasons - in your verse revision, I saw someone who enjoys the autumn but who also found enjoyment of winter.
Before the revision, I did sense a wistful reminiscence; but with the change, I saw anticipation. What a difference a couple of words make, Rolf!
You may have been thinking morbidly before the revision, (because it did seem a bit sad) but you clearly overcame that with your interest in expressing something else!
I also think that a reader who finds meaning in verse, even if they miss the intent of the author, has taken an intended gift.
Authored by: babalu on Friday, August 27 2010 @ 10:51 PM GMT+5
This is great stuff !!
I like fuzzy peach cheeks (little cherub hands picking out the fattest one!) and the roofer who needs every last job before the end of the season.. (did I read it right?)
It's more fun than a barrel of democratic candidates !
some day we will be free of
road work, primaries.