Brattleboro Selects BFD For Trash Collection

The Town of Brattleboro received four bids for the new trash collection and recycling service. At Tuesday’s meeting, the Selectboard chose the Brattleboro Fire Department to do the job.

“It’s been our experience in the last few months that having the fire department do everything in-house is more cost-effective for taxpayers,” said the Assistant Town Manager.

“Our current provider sent us a letter!” said a former chair of the board.

“If there’s a bin or compost out there on the street, we can’t just drive by it,” said the Chief. “We’re already on most of the streets in town anyway, and my staff still has a bit of free time after fighting fires and driving ambulances.” He added that he felt his department could also probably do cemetery maintenance, pothole-filling, and swimming pool repairs as well.

The Chief has already put down payments for three combination fire-rescue-trash pickup vehicles. “They are super expensive, because no one really makes them.”

Pickup days and times will change. Streets starting with alternative alphabetical letters descending in order from the middle of the alphabet will be picked up on odd numbered weeks unless there is a holiday, in which case the pick-up days will shift to every other letter of the alphabet, excluding roman numerals. Those in apartments on Avenues should disregard the notices for those on Streets until the alternation of those in single family homes can resume. THERE WILL BE FINES. Commercial buildings with exactly 7 apartments will go first to avoid confusion.

Public comments about the decision that has already been made will be taken at a meeting surrounded by uniformed offers holding weapons who know where you live. Anyone wishing to be told why they are wrong can attend private meetings with board members, as long as they bring offerings of bagels.

Not unusual in any way at all, every single Town Department head agrees that this is the best we can do.

Comments | 3

  • Just Sayin

    This is absolutely unacceptable, and exactly the kind of thing that drove me out of town. So confusing. Let’s say I live on a Circle, not a Street or an Avenue- not saying I do, but if I did- yes I might have lived on a Circle- excuse me if I seem to be going around and around, anyway, why don’t I deserve the clarity that those who live on the privileged byways that get named and assigned pickups do? Huh, why?

    And another thing. Money isn’t everything. If decisions are to be made out of some neo-liberal model, where the market decides all matters, even to the point where fireman and sanitation workers and road crew are interchangeable, then it’s no wonder so many of us are driven to a state of mind where we just want to own the neo-libs. Maybe the town’s brain trust could invent a fancy pump that extinguishes flames with neo-lib tears. That should save us taxpayers a bundle.

  • Pick me up

    Well done.

  • :D

    Thanks Chris!

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