Adapting Corporate Apologies For Use By Children

Corporate America seems to have a new formula for “apologizing” when they’ve done something bad and need to improve their PR.  We’ve seen it recently with Facebook and Starbucks.

“Even though we’ve done wrong,” they say, “trust us to make it better. You should expect more.” Note that this only comes after being caught.

It sounds great, doesn’t it? They realize the error and will make sure it never happens again.

If it works for CEO’s, then it should work for children.

I think kids should adopt a similar strategy if get caught doing something wrong, so I’ve written this modern, generic apology letter for any child to send if they get in a bind. 

Trust me. Based on the lack of corporate punishment for far worse crimes, I can safely say your parents will forgive you and continue to support you, possibly even raising your allowance. Best of all, you can use this over and over and over again. You can keep misbehaving.

So, if you get caught stealing that cookie before dinner…


Dear Parents and/or Guardian

I’m writing this evening to convey three things: 

First, to once again express my deepest apologies with a goal of doing whatever I can to make things right regarding (what I was caught doing).  

Second, to let you know of my plans to investigate the pertinent facts and make any necessary changes to my practices that would help prevent such an occurrence from ever happening again.  

And third, to reassure you that I stand firmly in my beliefs against (what I was caught doing).

You can and should expect more from me.  I will learn from this and be better.


Your child,



Every parent knows that if their child brought this well reasoned argument, printed on official looking paper, there would be no choice but to simply believe them and back off from any possibilility of further rules or regulations. Right?

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